5 Obstacles Introverted/Anxious Students Face Making Change

5 Obstacles

Note: I wrote this post in January, mid-trough point in depression cycle. Only now getting around to posting it, sorryyyyyy. I also want to preface this by saying that I do not consider myself to be an activists. There is still a lot of unlearning I need to do and research I need to do. Also, I don't think that I am actually doing or have done anything substantial. This post was brainstormed in the middle of my fellowship while I was working on my project, and I was trying to organize thoughts I had during that time.

I have been trying to be more vocal in terms of trying to contribute to and reform my campus, but there are a few pesky problems that my introversion, anxiety, and depression cause from time to time.

1. Is this really a problem? Or am I over-analyzing (like I do everything else).

With anxiety, there comes a tendency to over-analyze situations. I spent the first three years of my college career convinced I was going crazy because I thought no one else noticed the things I did. Sometimes, I still feel this way, even though I know there are others who feel the same way.

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There Is No Ethical Consumption Under Capitalism…

Ethical Living| Not

I wrote this post about me wanting to be a more conscious consumer a couple weeks ago (which you can read here). I recognized certain obstacles to this, and aspects that didn’t account for nuances such as:

  • Privilege
  • Living and breathing capitalism & consumption
  • And social norms (which I didn’t really consider)

The universe is constantly teaching me, and  giving me insight as to how I can open my mind and build every day. This time, assistance arrived in the form of THIS article titled, “Conscious consumerism is a lie. Here’s a better way to help save the world” by Alden Wicker. The article makes points that argue how “Making series of small, ethical purchasing decisions while ignoring the structural incentives for companies’ unsustainable business models won’t change the world as quickly as we want. It just makes us feel better about ourselves.” Now, this was kind of what I started to get at in my post, as this hope was brought about after considering the sociological imagination. I fell into the trap though of not addressing the structural factors, and defaulting to individualistic “solutions.”

The article proposes that we shouldn’t stop making small, green decisions, but we also need to direct those efforts (and dollars) to lobbying, volunteering, and supporting on-ground organizations that combat issues of sustainability. I don’t want to do much summarizing, as I do not want to misconstrue the message. I highly recommend reading though.

What do you think? What are some things you do to become an ethical/conscious consumer?

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Thoughts| “The Churched Black Feminist” by Jamie D Crumley

I was on Instagram and ended up reading this post called “The Churched Black Feminist” written by Jamie D. Crumley over at http://www.iamfreeagent.com. To sum up the main idea of the post, the author is basically proposing the question of whether religion and feminism are antithetical to one another (author thinks no), and if one can consider themselves a faithful Christian and a feminist (author thinks yes).

I wasn’t able to state my opinion very eloquenty, but Instagram user superniggafeminist was able to capture my thoughts, and then some in her response:

I too have found myself identifying more as spiritual, rather than religious as my body of knowledge increases, and I attempt to learn more about other groups of people. In my opinion, I think that there are too many politics attached to religion (as @superniggafeminist states, and Jamie explains as well). There are also too many contradictory messages for me. I admit, there is ignorance on my end, but I do not see how one can exercise compassion and love for another, regardless of lifestyle (whether that encompass homosexuality, premarital sex, sexual liberation, etc) but still believe them to be damned. These words may not accurately capture the full scope of what I mean, but yeah.

Also, as pointed out above, there are too many other messages in the Bible and other religious text that negate the argument being made in this post. The few examples given do not encompass the nuances feminist thought and values support.

You can view the post here to read the author’s points, and further develop your thoughts. You can also view the Instagram post here which contains the commentary I mentioned above.

What are your thoughts?

Keep up with me on TWITTER & INSTAGRAM!


Original post: https://www.iamfreeagent.com/blog/2017/3/18/the-churched-black-feminist

I Sabotaged My College Experience?

I feel like a fraud. I shouldn’t give anyone college advice. I was so enveloped in my depression and anxiety freshman-junior year, I didn’t really do too much. Yeah there were a couple parties sprinkled into my college experience, a few games here and there, and even a few friends. However, I spent most of my time working, in class, or at home studying, sleeping, or streaming movies and TV.

I often wonder if I didn’t like my school because of the culture, or if I wasn’t able to enjoy it because, again, I was struggling. I talked myself out of things as I often do, I withdrew mentally and emotionally, and I tortured my mind, body, and soul.

As I head into my senior year, I am more convinced that there was an interplay between these two: I came into college already dealing with depression, but environmental factors put it into a pressure cooker and I cracked.

But, after much rambling, back to the question posed in the title: yes and no. Yes, there are many ways I could have changed the outcome of these years. But, I am a firm believer (even though I forget many times) that things work themselves out. Yeah there are plenty of times I want to kick myself in the mouth for not doing x, or going to this meeting, or applying for this thing, etc, there are many reasons I am thankful for these hard times.

Yes, I may have “missed out” on some opportunities, or took longer to reach certain decisions. Yes, I might have had a better social experience if I went to another school on my list, or if I had listened to myself and followed through with transferring. But no, I don’t think I sabotaged anything. This semester aloneI’ve been able to intern/shadow in a Neurology clinic, work with an amazing human rights organization, come closer to solidifying my future career plans, gotten to speak at the U.N., and so much more. Yeah, I wish things could have gone a bit differently, but I’m so happy with the direction life is taking.

For my seniors out there, how are you feeling about your college experiences (reflecting)?


Doing College Wrong?

That's Not How It GoesI was on Twitter and ended up reading The Icing on the Playlist’s post titled, “I’m Doing College Wrong + I Don’t Care.” As soon as I read it, I felt like someone had snatched all of (or most of) the sentiments I’ve had about college thus far, but that I wasn’t able to articulate. Sure, I touched on a couple of things here, but I tend to be long-winded without actually getting to the point. Basically, that post didn’t get across what I really wanted to say.

I thought it would be interesting to respond to rattle off in a more succinct way the things I am “doing wrong” when it comes to my experience. Read the post that inspired this!

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True Life: I Didn’t Like College

True Life- I Didn't Like My College Experience

College, for some, represent the best four years of their lives. I, unfortunately, haven’t had that experience due to a number of personal reasons. It’s something I choose now to look at as more of a growth experience, however, that doesn’t mean I can’t be honest about it. I think it’s annoying having people always talk about how great of an experience college is when you don’t feel that way because 1) it makes you feel like you’re doing something wrong if you aren’t, and 2) puts you in an awkward position to feel like you have to always say things are going well when they’re not. For those that are in the same boat as me, read on to view some of my thoughts as I enter my senior year.

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5 Reasons Why: I HATE the beach


Summer time: The sun is blazing, the air is hot, and after Memorial Day, this means the beach is open. Exciting, right?


Yeah, I said it. It’s not exciting. I don’t like the beach. It’s my introvert hell. When friends tell me they want to go to the beach, my insides cringe. Sometimes I’ll swallow my comfort and go, but for the most part, I try to avoid it at all costs. I don’t know what it is, but I’ve never liked the beach since I was a child. Here are 5 few reasons why:

Too many people. I am a self-proclaimed introvert (and probably a highly-sensitive person as well), I get overwhelmed by being places where there are too many people for a sustained amount of time. I don’t mean things like being in a movie theater where everyone is sitting down, but here, like the beach where everyone is yelling, running, swimming etc. It’s too much and it puts a damper on my mood. I like to just chill for the most part, but all of the external things going on throw that off and disrupt my zen. Then, people typically like to stay at the beach for hours (or the whole day) which makes things even worse. The couple times I have been dragged there, I’m usually ready to leave after an hour or two. Everyone else? Nope. All in all, there’s just too much going on.

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Sand….everywhere! I know, duh. Of course there’s sand everywhere…it’s a beach. I don’t mind walking down a beach, but if I am, I need to do it at my own pace and when there’s not lots of people around. I enjoy the scenery of the beach, but I hate standing or sitting for .005 seconds and ending up with sand grains under my fingernails and inside my ear. Sand is nature’s glitter – you only need be exposed for a couple seconds before it ends up everywhere, and once it does, it’s hard to get out. Again going along with the sensitive thing, I don’t like the feeling of things being tacked onto my skin. It’s the same reason why I tend to not like being outside for sustained periods of time when the weather is extremely warm. I feel like everything sticks to my skin and I get really uncomfortable and itchy. Same goes for sand. Don’t like it one bit.

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Noisy. Again, duh. I know all of the things I have mentioned are givens, but they are things that bother me. I can tolerate noise up to a certain point, but trying to have fun/relax and having that much input frazzles me haha.

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Too hot most times, too cold others (but mostly too damn hot): I feel like you have to really map out the ideal day to go to the beach. If you go on a day where there is maybe some heat and a nice breeze, it may be nice to sit around in, but good luck getting into the water (or staying that long without getting goosebumps). If you go on a day when it is deathly hot, the water may feel nice, but then you feel like Satan himself has descended upon the earth and lit the very ground you walk on on fire, and replaced air with fire. Okay, exaggerated a bit, but you know what I mean. When it hits 12 PM – 2 PM, you sit there under your brolly wondering why you’ve subjected yourself to such heat when you could have stayed in a nice air-conditioned environment and gone somewhere after the sun sets. As I say during the summer: I’ll tag along for activities, but outside only after 6PM 🙂 

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Boring: I like beaches when no one is really there. When you can just kind of sit around and listen to everything. Most of the time when people want to go, it is not that time. I find sitting around under the sun for hours boring. If I wanted to just lie down like that I could just stay home and sleep. If I want to go outside and take in some nature, I can go for a nice walk. There’s just no appeal in going to sit and look at people, and if we refer back to reason 1, too many people overwhelms me.

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All in all, those are the reasons I’m not too fond of the beach! I know it’s one of the things many people look forward to, but it’s an activity I can avoid without any qualms. Again, I know these reasons are kind of characteristic of a beach, or many other places, but it’s just how I feel, okay?

What are your thoughts? Any summer activity you’re not too fond of?


New Years Resolutions 2014


I don’t normally make New Year’s resolutions because I don’t see a need to save one specific day a year to start changing something, bettering yourself, etc…

2014 has undoubtedly been a rough year, so with it finally coming to a close, I figured I should try out this resolution thing out. I plan to start a goal scrapbook (or something like it), but I think that if I write my goals/resolutions here where they are visible to others, I have more incentive to make sure I actually follow through with them. So without further ado, here they are!

1) Be happier. – It’s such a simple thing, but it can be so hard to do. I struggle with this a lot, especially since I am someone who tends to veer toward the negative. Going forward, I really want to make a more conscious effort to just let some things go, and not allow myself to get so hung up over certain things. If it’s making me unhappy, I’ll change it. Also, constantly working on this will allow many other areas in my life to improve as well, so I’m excited to work on this one.

2) Finances. – I want to just better my finances overall…be a little more financially responsible, and independent. You know?

3) Gain 500 follows on this blog. – I know it may not seem like that high of a number, but you’ve got to start somewhere. I’d really like to work on developing my content and my brand to attract more people to this site. This is something I am passionate about, and it’s been a really great way for me to concentrate positive energy. I really want to be able to share that with people.

What do you all resolve to do (or not do) in the New Year?


P.S. – To those of you who do follow this blog, thank you so much! I really appreciate the support, and I hope to develop better connections with you all in the coming time. Thank you so much 🙂