Photo by Jon Flobrant on Unsplash
So I broke my promise to myself within one post. I think I’m going to start bunching some of these together. My hours aren’t bad by any stretch, but where they fall during the day definitely takes a toll on my stamina. Therefore: I didn’t have enough in me to write today’s post. So, again, I’m going to start writing these a couple days out in one. Hope that doesn’t bother anyone! But…the posts!
With the opening of a new month and new opportunity, I want to bring something a little different to this little site of mine. I read a great post from nellytherebel.blog via a Facebook group I am in (shoutout to y’all!), which was titled: “66 Days of Gratitude: Make Gratitude a Habit.” I read it and thought, “this is great.”
1. It provides a simple way to think about the little things. As I’ve beat down on many times on here: I experience major depression and anxiety. Thankfully the depression is in a ‘trough’ right now, but anxiety is still a b*tch. This forces me to think about things that I love daily for at least a little bit.
2. I’ve said time and time again here that I want to be more consistent. This is another way to create content that is authentic and meaningful, while remaining consistent.
With all of that being said, I would like to adapt Nelly’s 66 days to 31….one post for every day this month.
Day 9: Which holiday are you most grateful for?
Hmm, I know people would probably opt for a Thanksgiving or Christmas or something of that nature. I’m not. Interestingly, I think I would have to say Halloween. Why? It feels the most “fun” to me. I know I’ll get some side eyes for this, but I don’t really care.
First and foremost, Halloween falls in autumn, my favorite month. That in and of itself is a win. I love the crisp weather, the bright colors of leaves, apple cider, pie, TV specials…..it’s all great to me. I used to love that time of year at school! I am also a huge horror movie buff, so I enjoy the plethora of marathons and frightening content available for the time leading up to the 31st.
Most importantly though…Halloween is two days before my birthday 🙂 So, I find that it’s a great lead up. There is so much going on in the couple weeks leading up to the date, and right after, I get to celebrate my birthday!
I know it’s probably really childish for me to enjoy Halloween, but I don’t care. It’s a fun time with lots of cool stuff.
Day 10: What skill do you have that you’re most grateful for?
I don’t think of myself as posessing many skills in all honesty. I don’t know what to call it, but maybe my not-so-delicate mixture of calmness and trait anxiety? I know those things are oxymorons, but here me out. For example, I am easygoing in the sense that I am pretty open to going to new places and trying new things. However, once the time to do it settles in, I will start analyzing all of the components and then make sure they are done properly. Take this job: I get anxious about being on time and performing my duties properly which requires me getting there very early. I also worry that I will mess up certain components, and it will spiral into a big mess (anxiety). When I get there though, and I start doing the things, everything flows (for the most part). This is probably a poor example, but I can’t think of a better one right now since I’m tired.
Day 11: Which conversation are you most grateful for?
One I had with my counselor, Marisa, when I was at school. Shout out to her, because she has quite literally helped save my life in more ways than one.
A focus of some of my sessions consisted of my self-criticism that I didn’t love people enough, and that I couldn’t connect with people well. I felt (and still do sometimes) like a terrible person who did not deserve friendship, relationships, whatever. This would leave me distraught…I would recount to her times when I was told that “it seems like you don’t care about us as much as you do ______ in X situation.” This was especially hurtful when most of the time, I am trying to navigate my own mental space within the context of various situations, always trying to keep other’s into account. I remember breaking down in her office, feeling very dejected. It was then she said to me something along the lines of:
I think with you it isn’t that you don’t know how to love, it’s that you love so deeply. That may not look the way other’s expect it to. Think of it like a river: on the surface they are very calm, but they have these deep, powerful currents. That’s like you.
That really made me feel better. As you can tell if you’ve read a few of my posts, I have a lot to work on. She always dropped little gems that I try to recall when I am feeling really bad though, and this was one of them. I am grateful for that conversation, and for her.
Well, that wraps up this post! I would like to read some of your responses to these prompts as well, please comment!
If you missed the previous posts, you can check them out: