Photo by Peter Hershey on Unsplash
Bet ya thought I wasn’t going to post these for more days! Fooled ya! Lol, just kidding. I am going to finish these strong, and make sure that I have other content queued up. Consistency is key! But that aside, want to see what I am most grateful for on days 27 – 29? Read to find ouuuutttttt 🙂
Writing my reflection of yesterday and thinking of two things – how I recognize changes in my depression and anxiety (increased irritability, catastrophizing, snowballing, teeth clenching, stomach aches, decreased appetite, persistent sleepiness) and also the fact that lots of job related angst is due to men not feeling like I’m doing my best.
I am trying to keep in mind that it has only been a month (not even a full one yet, so I should chill the fuck out a little. That’s the wild thing though, as clearly as I know all of this…it STILL doesn’t change anything for me. That has been an interesting change in dealing with my mental health in the last two years or so. I would say that I’ve always been pretty in tune with my emotions and the like, but I would say that my emotional intelligence has increased very much. BUT, that awareness is weird. I am acutely aware of how I’m feeling and why at all times, and can rationalize these things pretty well, but for some reason can’t fix them, or am not sure how to. Maybe it’s because it all comes down to self worth and that is not something one just “fixes.”
Photo by Craig Whitehead on Unsplash
Headed to work work, and I have my sneakers.
I was ready and prepared to make up for yesterday, but wasn’t aware of the difference between the morning and afternoon schedules for the shuttle to transport me to my other site for the day. Thus? I once again ended up staying up at my home base. I was able to carry out the job duty required of me with that respect, but not as well as I would have hoped. That definitely set me in a funk, exacerbating whatever this muck of a mood is that has been plaguing me for maybe two weeks now.
Over the course of the day, this mood persisted. I tried to really sit down and consider why I am feeling this way, and was able to come up with this:
Yeah, didn’t keep up with my promise to get back into this. Sh*t happens, what can I say. They’re here though! That’s what really matters, right? What’s in store for days 21 through 26? Let’s see:
If you follow me on Instagram, you may or may not have seen this post where I said I was going to try to start writing things that pop into my head as they come up and just post them. Why? Fits more into mental health blogging the way I wanted it to be – unfiltered. With that in mind, I tried to write down reflections of each day this week, and wanted to start by posting from Monday. Of course, these will be behind since it is currently Wednesday evening, but…..
Let’s get started.
Feeling like I’m entering a trough again with my depression/anxiety hasn’t been on the greatest of levels since starting this new job. That’s mostly due to the fact that it’s new, but of course there’s also Imposter Syndrome, among other thoughts that contribute to this.
See related: My Relationship with Imposter Syndrome
So I haven’t done these in a few days, whoops. As I said on Instagram (you should check mine out if you haven’t – if you want), there really isn’t an excuse as to why I haven’t posted, just need to get used to this new schedule is all. I think I’m going to go back to posting once or twice a week, even for these. I wanted to make these as “in the moment” as possible, but realistically, ya girl isn’t sitting around after winding down from being up since 4:30 AM to do these. Once or twice a week, but no more. Self-preservation.
To make up for the gap in posts though, I am including 31 DOG from the weekend that I missed, plus all the ones up until this Sunday. That should keep this whole thing moving, right?
Graphic image credit: Photo by Sofia Sforza on Unsplash
You read it right – I went to a gun range.
So I broke my promise to myself within one post. I think I’m going to start bunching some of these together. My hours aren’t bad by any stretch, but where they fall during the day definitely takes a toll on my stamina. Therefore: I didn’t have enough in me to write today’s post. So, again, I’m going to start writing these a couple days out in one. Hope that doesn’t bother anyone! But…the posts!
I have kept records of goals and the like in the past, but I have never made an actual “bucket list” before. I was inspired to make one and document it here after reading this Three-Month Wrap Up post from one of my favorites, Amanda from The Next 7 blog. You should definitely read the post, but there she showed how in this span of time she was able to cross things off from her bucket lists, both short term and long term. Some of the things she had on her lists were things I’ve wanted to do as well, such as travel to Thailand.
With this in mind, I want to make a bucket list of my own! I’m going to link it off here in a separate page. Doing it this way will be helpful for me because I have terrible anxiety sometimes, and often block myself from thinking of goals/achieving them if I do not think I am capable of doing them. In addition, this holds me accountable! Both to myself personally, and for my blogging. I hope to add items to this as I grow personally, and as I grow more comfortable trusting my abilities.
Do you have any bucket lists?
Keep up with me on TWITTER and INSTAGRAM! Also drop your links below so I can check them out 😊
Monday blues are in the past now (until next week of course)! I am trying to keep the steam on this “31 Days of Gratitude” challenge. Not going to lie, it hasn’t been hard to do, but sometimes I’m on the verge of forgetting to write the post for the next day. I could schedule, but I think I said before that I want these to be really authentic, so I’m trying to write them in a stream of consciousness way.
That’s a lot of rambling though – check out day 8!