College, for some, represent the best four years of their lives. I, unfortunately, haven’t had that experience due to a number of personal reasons. It’s something I choose now to look at as more of a growth experience, however, that doesn’t mean I can’t be honest about it. I think it’s annoying having people always talk about how great of an experience college is when you don’t feel that way because 1) it makes you feel like you’re doing something wrong if you aren’t, and 2) puts you in an awkward position to feel like you have to always say things are going well when they’re not. For those that are in the same boat as me, read on to view some of my thoughts as I enter my senior year.
I was browsing hercampus.com and came across this article titled, “27 Women Share Their Biggest Disappointment With The College Experience.” I resonated with a number of these, which I will reflect on below, as I feel like they sum up my general sentiments surrounding my experience thus far.
Disclaimer/reminder: these are other people’s experiences, and my reflections on them based on my experiences. If you don’t agree with them, that’s fine: they’re my reflections.
This is my number 1! I wrote a post indirectly inspired by this feeling about pre-graduation anxiety because booooyyyyyyyyy am I feeling it. I’ve always had this vague understanding that I want to help people, but have never been very outspoken so I wasn’t entirely sure what to do about it. I let my interests guide me as I applied to schools, and that led me to declaring as an Art History major. Once I ended up where I am now, I realized that an interest like that wasn’t going to land me very far, so I ended up undeclared. Long story short, after changing my major to business administration and wasting a year taking classes I didn’t need, I’m here now happy with my major and forever loving the field, but with absolutely no idea what in the everlasting fuck I’m going to do come May. I see all of these other people with these plans set in stone, or those who’ve graduated previously getting jobs, and I get so anxious. I’ve tried creating plans just to give myself some kind of guide, but pull back because I’m not sure if that’s the path I want to take. I fear ending up jobless out of school forever and never being able to live comfortably or financially stable.
Less about the food, more about the ‘fakeness’. My experience with my school has shown me that everything is pretty facetious. I get it, higher education is just another business in this country….but jeez. The hoards of work that go into tending the nice green grass and the pretty little flowers, constructing a new building every year, not having garbage cans placed more along the walkways because it’s not aesthetically pleasing, but when it comes to the other stuff, not an eyelash batted. Enough to get your foot in the door, but it all stops there.
This isn’t just in college, but everywhere. I’m guilty of it as well (although sometimes it’s because making too much eye contact with people is uncomfortable to me).I won’t sit here and act like I’m a social butterfly and talk to everyone who comes my way, but I do try my best to smile or wave hi to people when I see them. It’s always annoying seeing how much people go out of their way not to see you, which I observe a lot at school. I’ll spot someone from a little far off, and know that they see me. Just when it comes time where there is that buffer of space where it’s acceptable for you to acknowledge someone, they immediately dart down to their phone or look elsewhere until they’ve passed me. It’s the most frustrating thing in the world! If you don’t want to say hello, that’s fine. Going that much out of your way not to acknowledge someone though? Weird.
This is something that always gets to me. Again, no one is above any type of behaviour and I’ve been guilty of this as well. My first two years I found myself trying to find somewhere to fit in and ended up dealing with many trivial things I didn’t quite care to much for (i.e. kissing athletes asses, constantly talking about guys whom I didn’t care about, always being present when I didn’t want to be, etc…). These experiences demonstrated to me how much of a social rulebook there is, and how much being seen and playing these rules gives you this ticket to being known in a sense. I always remember how people would tell me that lots of people didn’t know me well because “I didn’t go out” or “didn’t go out that much.” Seriously? Being drunk at the bar at 2 AM is the way I get more visibility? Or going to clubs for points so I can get good housing? Not bashing that stuff fully per se, but it just seems like there’s always some kind of playbook when dealing with school and I don’t have the patience for those things. This is mostly the reason why I started keeping to myself my Junior year (to the point where people thought I transferred), and going home on the weekends to have my own adventures.
This doesn’t sum up at all my outlook on my college experience, but it does touch on some of my sentiments. I think I might start writing more about these things if they are of any help to anyone. There are also a number of other things I could go on about, so if it’s if any interest let me know (seriously).
Have a great day!